My Marriage Journey in a Nut Shell
Even though I’ve been married for almost 28 years I have to admit, I don’t think I was ever really able to teach younger women to love their husbands, as it states in Titus chapter 2 in the Bible. Although I didn’t realize it, I didn’t really love my husband from a pure heart, I had my own hidden heart agenda.
The first decade of my marriage, I was a demon possessed adulteress and as a result I left my husband for another man and filed for divorce! Through humbly giving my life to Jesus, he helped me to return home to my husband and begin my journey of reconciliation.
The second decade of marriage I continued to look to my husband to make me happy, crying out to God to change him, God told me one morning while on a power walk that, “your husband is not the problem, you are! Stop looking to him to make you happy!” So I did, I fully looked to God only to make me happy! The problem is that I took it to the extreme and began to separate myself in my heart from him. My new-found perspective was, “he had his life, I had mine!”
This eighth year, of my 3rd decade of marriage, has been a journey of humility, fearing God, trusting and obeying him, meditating on scripture all day everyday, which has been purifying my heart and mind. I’m now very intentional to guard my heart and mind, throwing out anything that isn’t love, I’m being transformed into a laid down lover of God, my husband and people!
As a result, my husband began to trust me, love me, love himself and grow in self-confidence! So much so, he has gone into business for himself! The very things I’ve wanted him to do, he’s doing, simply because I began to trust God and obey his word!
How Did I Get Into This Mess?
If we wives would be honest with ourselves, we’d all admit we married our husband because we believed he would love us, provide for us and protect us! Another words, we believed that if he fulfilled our expectations, we would live happily ever after!
The problem is that when our husband doesn’t fulfill our expectations, this opens the door for the enemy to try to plant thoughts of being unloved and rejected. Then we are over come with the lie/ fear that we will never be happy! If we come into agreement with these thoughts, we will begin to live out of disappointment, unforgiveness, frustration, anger and bitterness!
Stages To Destruction
After counseling people for over 10 years, I’ve identified 3 stages that lead to destruction of the marriage;
Stage 1
We are determined to change our husband, because we feel our happiness is at stake! We nag and manipulate, hoping he’ll listen and make changes. Although we try to hide it, he’s feeling our disappointment/rejection of him, he senses our strategy, his pride kicks in and he refuses to comply, also pulling away from us in his heart and mind!
Stage 2
This stage is where we are consumed with self-pity and depression begins to set in. We try to appear to the world as if all is well, by putting a smile on our face and completing our wifely duties! We say with our mouths that we love him, but our heart is broken and far from him! Inside we feel like we are dying!
Stage 3
Stage 3 is the anger stage! Our heart has grown very bitter towards our husband. We have told ourselves “we are done” and we open ourselves up to the possibility of divorce. We believe whole heartily that it’s the only way to be happy!
The Truth Sets Us Free
The truth is found in the Bible, let’s find out what it says, believe it and live it! 1 Corinthians 11:9 Man was not created for woman, but the woman for man! We started out our marriages with the wrong perspective! We married believing he is here for me, to make me happy! We in reality we really should have married, knowing God created us for him, to love, respect and build up our husband, so he would love himself, have confidence and succeed in life. The truth is, when we make it our goal to make him a priority in our life, to make sure he is successful, he naturally trusts and loves us and we experience that peace and happiness we’ve alway longed for!
One morning recently I was meditating on Ephesians 5 where it says “He who loves his wife loves himself!” Listen to what God said to me “Wife when you love, respect and submit to your husband, he falls madly in love with you! This causes him in turn to love himself, have confidence and be and do the very things you long for your husband to be and do! Therefore satan will work to keep your focus on your husband’s weaknesses so you can’t respect, love or submit to him. He won’t love you, so he won’t love himself, he will continue to live weak, powerless and tormented in his heart and mind and so will you!”
What Do We Do?
Proverb 3:7 Fear God and turn from evil! Start spending large quantities every morning with the Trinity, asking Holy Spirit to show you any sin or pride in your heart, then repent of it!
Meditate on massive amounts of scripture every day, throughout the day! This will renew your mind!
Steward your thoughts, never let one negative thought about your husband stay in your mind! Replace it with positive, loving thoughts.
Make your husband a priority! Plan your day around him! Be willing to be vulnerable, share your heart with him! Hide nothing from him out of fear that he’ll control your life and it will produce unhappiness. The more you submit to your husband out of a heart of faith and love for God, your husband will begin to feel loved and respected. As a result he will love you and himself. He’ll grow in confidence and feel like he can conquer the world.
Finally! How Do I Know If I Truly Love My Husband?
When we humble ourselves, God removes the scales from our eyes and we begin to see just how prideful we are and we begin to see just how wonderful our husband is. This new perspective creates a heart of pure love, preparing us for Jesus! What I’m proposing is not easy, it seems ridiculous and impossible! If you’re a child of God you’ve already experienced some freedom in surrender, this is very much like salvation. Giving up your life to be free! You are a new creature in Christ, empowered with Holy Spirit to be love! It’s a beautiful process of sanctification and the righteousness, love, peace and joy are so worth it!
Rhonda Ferguson
Identity Theft Restorer: Teaching people who they are and their purpose in this life, in order to free and empower them!
www.RFWellness.net