Leaving the Christian community 4 years ago was a result of “Undoing” all damage that the egotistical mind had created.
It simply started with “Heart Surgery,” Inner work, or Shadow Work. The process of examining my heart, seeing the walls the ego built and tearing them down one brick of bitterness at a time, had also removed the veils that blinded me to Christianity. These veils consisted of: belief in separation (from God and everyone), belief that I’m a human sinner, belief that I’m here to save people, belief that I’m better or more gifted than others etc.
After 5 years of this “Undoing” I shifted into the “Sorting out!” This is when I was able to see that I’m a spiritual being of light and love, having a human experience. Books like the Power of Now by: Eckhart Tolle, helped me to know the ego, and to no longer identify with it. Along with seeing all that feeds the ego, such as Christianity and the feeling of being a victim of the devil, but also a special child of God! Both of these continually promote the belief in duality or the separate self.
The “Undoing” and the “Sorting Out,” prepared me for the deconstruction and “relinquishment” of my egotistical thoughts and beliefs. The book, “A Course in Miracles” was crucial for this letting go. This book is truly miraculous in that, whatever I was processing, struggling with, or going through on any given day, was exactly what the daily lesson or text was teaching on. It was as if Holy Spirit/Devine Love, was holding my hand through this very difficult process.
The “deconstruction/relinquishment” is such a challenging process that afterwards, I experienced a season of “settling down!” This is when I spent a year reading through “A Course of Love!” It was such a nice respite, however with the ego still some what present, it was able to numb me into a place of complacency; Where I wasn’t intentional about living in awareness of the ego, and slipped into the tormenting mind of being self consumed, which resulted in stress, anxiety, doubt, worry, fears and arguments with my husband which terrified me. It felt as though all that work was lost, however coming back to awareness of my true self as a spiritual being of light and love, along with humbling myself, reinstated my peaceful mind. This season is what A Course in Miracles calls the “unsettling!” Although it felt like hell, it was the best reminder I could have experienced to stay on my “A game” of awareness!
The final step is achievement or what I’m learning is “Samahdi!” Samadhi is awakening from this dream life of being the separate self. It’s the dis-identification from the egotistical human self. It’s when we go beyond the thinking mind and where the Devine will and individual will are aligned. Ultimately it’s going beyond duality of pain/pleasure and just being the oneness in Christ.
The stages I’ve discussed are in A Course in Miracles – Teacher’s Manual:
What I completely focus on now is:
I’m not here to save people. I’m here to guide people out of the darkness of their egotistical mind and into the light of what they are as spiritual beings of light/love so they can flow abundantly!
Rhonda Ferguson
