Why do we struggle to be kind?
Why are we so consumed with ourselves?
Why is it so hard to understand why people do what they do, and we take such great offense to it? This offense is causing stress related diseases such as; obesity, heart disease, Alzheimers, diabetes, depression, gastrointestinal problems and asthma!
Why is it that according to Stopbullying.gov, 20% of students ages 12-18 are experiencing bullying?
I believe the answer is, that we’ve been robbed of empathy!
Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another!
How were we robbed of empathy?
Most of us simply were not taught empathy while we were growing up. We were taught “survival of the fittest,” to protect ourselves and to “look out for number 1.” Of course this method did serve it’s purpose in an effort to protect us from harm, abuse, and trauma!
We were told in religion, “to love our neighbors as ourself!” Our ego interpreted that to me, “love your neighbor as much as you love yourself!” When we should have been taught to listen to people, with the goal of understanding what life is like for them. Then with that understanding, love them as if we are them! If this was our paradigm, we would then be able to help them in the specific ways, they need help for their situation.
Speaking only for myself, religion robbed me of empathy, because it made me believe that showing up to a building, serving, using my gifts and talents while giving money was enough. I didn’t realize until I left the church institution, that unconditional love and empathy only happen, when you come along side someone and do life with them. Allowing their burdens to become ours, to sacrificially give, of our time, energy, and money expecting nothing in return. I’m not talking about a Bible Study or Life Group, although those are a good start, I mean giving of ourself without anyone knowing. This is when we begin to shed our egos, and experience who we truly are as light and love. At this point empathy becomes a natural byproduct of our identity.
In the Bible, it talks about removing the beam or veil from our eyes, so we can help our brother remove the speck in his eyes. I use to believe, that was the sin in my life. But now I can see it was my own ego, veiling me from being loving and empathetic. As we unconditionally love others, they begin to see their own veil, remove it and follow us into freedom from self-centered thoughts.
Steps To Freedom From The Ego
1. Start each day doing what I call heart surgery! Search your heart for any fear, stress, anxiety, unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, guilt etc. When you discover any of these, see how it’s affecting your life. Write out the situation, how it’s affecting you and tap into the truth about the situation or person. This truth will set you free and help you heal, forgive and move forward.
2. Learn to accept and love the person in front of you without judgement or having to completely understand the person or the situation.
3. See what’s feeding your ego and keeping you self focused and then be willing to give it up! For me it was always needing to be right, owning my mistakes, apologizing, having an open mind and leaving religion.
4. Intentionally being love, by showing up to help those in need. Willing to bear their burdens and pour out love, compassion, time, energy, money, and words of encouragement. This has looked like; sitting with a suicidal person, willing to listen to their experiences, pain, betrayal and fear. Comforting, encouraging, and giving to a single mom who is out of work. Helping people to over come diseases due to stress induced trauma. As a result, I’ve forgot about putting myself first, my faith has increased in miraculous provision and I live in a state of love and gratitude.
This is the abundant life we long for, but it doesn’t happen until we shed that ego!
Rhonda Ferguson
Life Coach – Helping people heal mind-body-spirit and experience peace.