Human beings have a deep need for community. Therefore we gravitate towards people who are like us, either in bars, sporting events, rock concerts, cross-fit, or churches, etc.
Although we might not admit it, or even subconsciously know it, we start attending churches in an effort to feel; loved, wanted, needed, and accepted. Our focus rather is the desire to use our gifts, talents, knowledge, and resources to love and help people.
As we attend the institutional churches faithfully, and prove to leadership in the church, that we are trustworthy and have good intentions to help people and promote the ministry, they allow us to participate and begin accepting, encouraging and promoting us into leadership positions.
What we Christians don’t often realize, is that we have this subconscious fear that, “if I don’t keep leadership happy, believing I’m a safe person and trusting in me, they won’t allow me to serve and fulfill my purpose.” It keeps us in bondage to people and the institution, believing that outside the four walls of the institutional church, we will be useless, along with losing our community.
While I was in ministry, helping, healing and encouraging people, making a difference in their lives, I would get another hit of dopamine, (that feel good chemical) that kept me addicted to ministry and confirmed “I am right where I needed to be,” people-pleasing!
What most of us Christians fail to realize, but what’s necessary and important is that, churches are painfully being used to awaken us to our ego of needing to be “special” and the truth of who we are, one with Christ. As it says in the Bible, (“I’ve been crucified with Christ, it’s no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.” “In Christ, I live and move and have my being!”)
Counseling many Christians, I’ve come to realize the painful awakening process usually happens in this way;
It takes a deep abiding, intimate, trusting relationship with Papa God, as church leaders, to leave the institutional church and believe He’ll use us to advance His Kingdom! We must grapple with the question, “could I be happy giving up “specialness” and trust Papa God to use me to full capacity?” It the answer is yes then we take that leap of faith. If the answer is no, then we stay continuing to work to be “special.”
After being in 8 different institutional churches for 34 years, I finally awakened to my ego using these places to feel “special!” I trusted Papa God and left knowing He’ll continue to use me in great and mighty ways. I have been so shocked realizing the level of stress I had in the institution, constantly trying to prove I’m trust worthy! I’m at peace, just following Papa’s lead, doing what I see Him doing. With nothing to prove, just being the church of love, acceptance and inclusion. I’ve realized it’s so much more rewarding and fulfilling doing life with people, instead of objectifying people and seeing them as something to fix. I didn’t even know how little I cared about people when the institution provided me a place to check-in, serve, and leave. 
Rhonda Ferguson
Identity Theft Restorer; Teaching people who they are and their purpose in this life in order to free and empower them.
www.RFWellness.net