When I was a Christian for 33 years, I spent a great deal of time serving, whole heartedly believing it was fully for others. Little did I know my heart was incased in egotistical self centeredness, that desperately needed to be dismantled, so that true love could emerge.
The problem with The Selfish Path is that it’s very hard to recognize because it’s illuminated with some goodness. I was caught in a cycle of a sub-conscious desire to serve in order to feel; loved-wanted-needed-special!
I’d serve and then see how I actually helped people, which produced a feel good chemical of dopamine in my body, along with being appreciated and admired, this kept me coming back for more! However, it also blinded me to the self centered ego running my life.
The Egotistical Programmed Mind is so rooted in an addiction to sub-conscious – self centeredness, that we can’t see it until we remove ourself from the cycle and feel the pain of no longer being recognized, valued or feeling special.
Walking away from the “Specialness Serving Cycle” 5 1/2 years ago, I then set out on a journey of Inner Healing, dismantling of the ego, and began living in awareness of my own egotistical tendencies. This process slowly caused the self centeredness to dissipate, now allowing me to experience a pure heart, free of a sub-conscious agenda and tremendous peace, as I get to now be on the Unselfish Path.
Life Example
My husband and I are in the midst of a huge backyard renovation. The last two Saturday’s I’ve spent in the backyard with him clearing out old concrete. It was incredibly labor intensive work. In the past I would have been internally complaining, wanting to be done and desperately waning to be doing something else. But now, knowing and feeling my oneness with him, due to no longer having egotistical self centered blockages, I was able to spend days working with him, without having any inkling or notion of feeling like quitting. This was the most amazing and freeing feeling.
It’s a really bizarre feeling to have a still mind and heart full of a pure desire to express Divine love through service, rather than a desire to feel good because I served.
The Ego Won’t Like What I’m Saying
As I’m writing this, I can hear people saying; “There’s nothing wrong with feeling good about serving and helping others!” What I’m talking about is getting honest with ourselves and ask; “is there anything I’m doing, that I’m doing out of obligation, or because I like the feeling it gives me, or maybe it’s the recognition or sense of belonging I receive?”
If the serving we are doing is anything other than; “I’m doing this because I deeply love this person and feel/know my oneness with them and I care not about the outcome,” then there is some undetected selfishness and it’s a counter fit to simply being Divine Love. This counter fit will keep us a hostage to the Egotistical Programmed Mind, never knowing our True Self in The Divine.
If this blog resonates with you, then I encourage you to leave the serving and do some soul searching.
There is a difference between ego service to others and spirit service to others! However we can’t fully know the difference, until we stop doing what we’ve always done and follow The Inner Divine Guidance, merging with Them; letting Them use this body/mind as an instrument of love and light.
Gypsy Spirit
Guiding people out of the darkness of the Selfish Path and into the light of the Unselfish Path.