A coffee shop situated in the middle of my little suburban town here in Wildomar, California is a local hangout for the Christian community. You’ll often find large groups of people having Bible studies and prayer meetings. The coffee shop has strived to model their values and vibe, after the hit t.v. show of the early 1980’s called “Cheers!” Cheers was a place of love, inclusion, friendly bantering, but mostly it was a place where “everybody knows your name!”
As customers walk in, they are greeted with a vast array of merchandise from local vendors, many which bare Christian slogans, along with Christian books and Bibles. The customers quickly get a sense that their niche is the Christian community.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise to me, that as my husband and I walked into this coffee shop on an early winter morning, they had hanging on the wall a big display of “Jesus loves you” merchandise.
For the first time visiting this coffee shop, my heart sank when seeing a whole wall dedicated to “Jesus loves you” paraphernalia! Just 5 years ago, as a staunch Christian, I would have so admired and respected the owner for dedicating her business to God and seeing people come to Christ. With the understanding that this is a big part of how you lead people to Christ; be a walking bill board for Jesus!
Having left the Christian church 4 years ago as a result of: awakening to my ego using ministry to feel special, deconstructing my beliefs with Holy Spirit, having a gay son, and working with LGBTQ+ people, has caused me to realize that Christians don’t understand why this wall of “Jesus loves you” merchandise is highly offensive and off putting to much of humanity.
Understanding each side’s perspective, I feel I may be able to shed some light, with the intention of hopefully opening hearts and minds, so that the unification of Christianity, non-christians and the LGBTQ+ community can begin.
The problem is that Christians do not realize that they lack love and empathy! I can say this with confidence, because up until just a few years ago, I realized that although I was a “born again Christian”, leader in the church, I focused more on what the Bible says, being right, ministering and saving people, than I ever did, really trying to understand where someone is coming from and who they really are without an agenda!
If Christians realized that what is experienced is what is known, their mission would shift from saving and ministering to people, to letting God’s love, empathy, inclusion, acceptance and affirmation flow through them. If they actually sought to get to know the person, understand their journey and who they are, they would naturally love them, and judgement, assumptions, and accusations would fall away.
“To know me is to love me!” Is a true statement!
Instead non-christians, LGBTQ+ etc. have experienced, judgement, rejection, and bitterness, by people who claim to represent Jesus. Then for these marginalized/outcasts, to be told “Jesus love you,” can feel very off putting, offensive and actually repels them. This is what breaks my heart for both sides; there’s a huge lack of communication, misinformation, and programmed egotistical minds, that hinders relationships from forming and the great divide continues.
I know the internal struggle of a Christian having a deep desire to be love, but also struggling with what the Bible says as sin, and being fearful for souls going to hell, therefore they try to find a way to love, while holding firm to their beliefs, which comes across when they say things like; “We love you, you’re accepted here, but….we don’t agree with your life style choices etc.”
Creating a safe place for people to fully be their self, without judgement, is what will dissolve the great divide and there will no longer be statements of “I love you but!” After all, true love is the absence of judgement.
Maybe instead of “Jesus loves you” shirts. There could be shirts that say, “I want to know you, understand your journey and who you are.” This is after all probably what Jesus was doing when He was eating with so called “sinners!”
Seeking to change our hearts with love, empathy and compassion rather than just our trying to change actions, would do away with the need to say; “Jesus loves you” because what is experienced is what is known. So here’s the biggest challenge; Do people know Jesus through you because of your love, empathy, inclusion, kindness and compassion, as a result of understanding them and their journey?
Rhonda Ferguson
Guiding people out of the darkness of their egotistical mind and into the light of who they really are as spiritual beings of light and love.
