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Would You Marry Me Again?

As my husband and I finished watching the Netflix series “Ultimatum,” (A show about couples who have one partner that wants to get married and the other doesn’t.) I asked him, “Would you marry me again?” He jokingly said, “I don’t know, you’re a lot, I didn’t know that I was marrying 3 in 1!”

Of course my ego was a little offended, and it snapped back, “ditto, I didn’t realize I was also marrying 3 mindsets/personalities in 1!”

If you’ve read my past blogs you know that we’ve discovered that we are a 3 in 1 beings; Spiritual Being, Egotistical Victim and Egotistical Protector. Getting to know our 3 in 1 beings and living in awareness of them has revolutionized our marriage.

Taking this a step further I want to really help women understand their men. Helping them to know that, yes they have a wounded child personality and an angry protector, and we need to separate those personalities from his True Self of light/love. But we also need to be proactive and intentional about loving them.

Being married for 32 years, and counseling couples for over 17 years, I’ve discovered men have basically 6 things that make them feel happy, confident and on top of the world:

1. They want to make us happy! When we are constantly nagging, complaining and wanting them to be different, they feel very defeated and discouraged. Therefore, we need to pay attention to the things they do that make us happy and make sure to say to them, “When you do this, it makes me happy!” Watch his face glow and watch him grow in confidence, peace and joy.
2. Men are problem solvers, which is a great thing when it comes to fixing things around the house or the car. However, women typically don’t want to be fixed, but rather understood. Therefore it’s important to preference conversations with, “I don’t need you to fix this, please just listen and try to understand!”
3. Men just want to have fun! Men need several dates a month where they can just have fun and not worry about work, money or making us happy. Be creative and plan some fun dates for him. A word of wisdom; do not let your ego want or expect him to plan dates. Expectations are disappointments and resentments waiting to happen. Since they have a one tract mind, it’s really hard for them to be intentional and plan dates.
4. Men need to be respected and included. Our men need to know that we value their opinion and take it into consideration, we need to try to abstain from making decisions without them. They want to know that, we want to be with them, and that we are doing all we can to include them in our plans.
5. Men need sex and intimacy. Your man wants to know that you desire him and that you are not just having sex out of duty. Therefore, make sure to think positive, loving, grateful thoughts about your man daily, to keep your desires strong for him.
6. Men need a helper. Men need to know that they are not alone and that we have their back, that we are their biggest fan, that at the end of the day, they have someone to come home to, that loves, supports and encourages them.

Men are very simple, we are the ones that are very complex and constantly listen to our egotistical mind that tells us, “he needs to change so I can be happy!” The truth is, that happiness is knowing what we are spiritual beings of light/love and that we aren’t our ego, along with living in awareness of our egos, striving to be light/love and helpful to our partner.

Giving is receiving. If we’d put these 6 things into practice we will miraculously experience peace and happiness within ourself.

Rhonda Ferguson

Guiding people out of the darkness of their egotistical mind and into the light of what they really are as a spiritual being of light/love.